God Packs Up and Walks Out On Earth

God really has it tough you know. He created the universe, the Heavens, the Earth, and then a species to revere him. His people were ostensibly put on the Earth to do good and eventually meet him in Heaven. He made religion to outline rules about how to make it into Heaven. These religions often speak about God’s plan, His mission, and His destiny for all his creations. However, things of course are not going according to plan. Take a look around and you’ll see some of what I mean, but then there is a new matter at hand recently. A story was told to one of the members of our editorial staff by a male who claims he can see limitedly into the future.

Apparently, the young man received a vision of his mother sending him to the store for a purchase. Instead of going straight off on his mother’s request he walked to his friend’s house. He knocked on the door and received no response. Eventually he went around the back and found his friend on the ground in a pool of blood with a knife in his hand. Shortly later, his mother made the same exact request. Like a bolt he ran off to his friend’s house and immediately went to the back door. Not waiting for the standard knocking and response, he kicked the door in. He found the friend holding the knife in his hand, poised to draw his own blood. He’d saved his friend’s life from himself. However, the young man now feels horrible about himself. Inaction would have had a person he cares about die, and yet action is considered reprehensible to himself. I know, you’re asking yourself why, why in God’s name someone would feel bad about saving a life. It is, ironically, in God’s name that this feeling is born and justified.

The feeling here is that saving his friend was disrupting fate. He believed that his friend was meant to die, and that he interfered in fate’s design. The fact that if fate wanted his friend to die he’d be dead never seemed to cross his mind. Also, the idea that his gift might be for saving people seemed equally foreign. He felt horrid for saving life, credited God’s design with the feelings, and now lives with the knowledge that people will die, and how, and lets it happen. In response, God decided that Earth was full of morons. He’s thinking Mars is looking good for a new civilization, and is moving forward there. It’s ironic that the part of humanity that finally killed God was not the atheists, but a believer. The CDNews staff congratulates God for taking a stand, despite the fact that our sad little planet is now alone. We also would like to urge scientists to continue the research for the mission to Mars, our staff… that is so humanity can meet with God again.

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News Nibblet

Update: More computer parts were stolen, this time from Green Hall and a different room in the Science Complex. The radical notion that doors be locked comes to mind again, and this time, we are not so sure that it is out of the question.