Near the end of my exile, CNN's Paula Zahn ran a segment about the rising scourge against our great nation. This scourge is known as journalists. Perhaps this was not the intended point of the piece, but certainly the Completely Different News staff felt that way. I am sure that the readers of this fine journalistic medium are smart enough to tell the difference between the journalists I am railing against and the responsible media. By responsible media I of course mean us; I am not so sure you can tell the difference that I would let you continue possibly unaware.
I am equally sure that, as informed people, you have heard about this story already. As I was in exile, I could not direct my minions to work up a story on it. Moreover, once I was finally informed, I spent the better part of the last week vomitting profusely, so you'll apologize for my tardiness. It seems even CNN have addressed some of the concerns spawned by this debacle, though the extent to which they really accomplished anything is unclear. The piece was called "Atheists in America". It began with an unremarkable segment, following two families briefly to talk about the hardships they have faced when people learned of their religious beliefs. Remember, this is America; it is okay to persecute others for their religious beliefs as long as they do not happen to believe in a god. One of the two families in the piece even refused to be filmed with proper lighting. I suppose the godless heathens are vampires or something, it is unclear.
The initial segment ended with a professional Fred Savage impersonator explaining that atheists were bringing the mistreatment upon themselves. It seems that militant atheists, in their quest to remove religious influences from government funded programs like public schools and money are causing the hatred against all atheists. Please, ignore the fact that the Pledge of Allegiance and United States money were altered to reference god in a deliberate attack on atheists during a better, less tolerant era. As an entirely unrelated aside, the Completely Different News staff will be painting swastikas outside of Synagogues this weekend. I certainly hope no Jews come out and start complaining about it. I mean, sure the symbols are deliberately offensive to their race, but to complain about it is inexcusable, and they clearly deserve any of the hatred they incur as a result. Sorry for that entirely unrelated aside, where was I?
Right, the initial segment ended the camera panned dramatically over to Zahn and her three guest journalists. Journalist, in this sense, is being used as a euphemism for sycophant. Her guests were Karen Hunter, Debbie Schlussel, and Stephen A. Smith. Hunter and Smith are both black, and Schlussel is a Jew. This may seem gratuitous, even insulting information at this point, but rest assured there is a point. I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine the relevance. This is of course a lie; Completely Different News will not risk not getting its point across at any point, so the readers will be browbeaten as insurance. The guests were there for a polite, civilized discussion of atheism. For some reason the old joke, "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out", comes to mind.
I'll apologize right now for how I will handle their comments; the horrible shrieking and screaming over each other is not conducive to a point-by-point discussion, so I will be using an extracted form of the transcript that condenses the well thought out opinions of the commentators one at a time. Let's start at the top:
I'm not sure Ms. Hunter, I believe many things. I believe that we live in a stellar system with eight planets. I believe that when I release an unsupported object it will fall toward the ground, accelerating at 9.8 meters per second per second. I believe that natural selection explains the species that currently inhabit our Earth. I also believe the Ms. Hunter's Pulitzer has one too many L's in it, just like my Rolex.
I don't know about just our dollars. Possibly our five dollar bills too. Oh heck, why not all of them? Possibly our coinage too. I'm assuming she meant a more generic term for money than she used, but she may not be as accomplished a wordsmith as I. After all, she is merely a Pullitzer recipient. Or perhaps I've misjudged her award. According to Wikipedia, at least at the time of writing, Pulitzer Prize recipients are chosen by a wizard. People who complain about the credibility of Wikipedia are mostly just whiners, and can simply be ignored. Again, we will ignore the fact that "In God We Trust" and "under God" were added to their respective media as a deliberate attack, as the Completely Different News staff would not appreciate defending them.
Thank god someone has the wherewithal to finally stand up to this horrible liberal encroachment on the status quo. Where were the men and women of your caliber in the 1920s? "We aren't allowed to beat women with thumb-width rods anymore. What more do they want?" Or perhaps in the 1960s, oh my do I ever wish she could go back to talk with those bleeding heart pinko commie bastards. "We don't own you anymore. Hell, you have your own schools and water fountains now! You can even ride our busses, provided you give up front seats to white passengers. What more do you want?" We need more brave men and women who are willing to stand up for the status quo, that is clearly in this great country's best interest.
Yes, this is actually a perfect soundbyte. Everything she says here is flawless, greeting cards celebrating atheism are the proper response to atheists being evicted from their housing by their landlords specifically because of their atheism. "Sorry you got kicked out of your house, but at least the God you don't believe in loves you!" Well, okay maybe not. The fact that Kwanza is a secular holiday, Christmas is largely a secular holiday, and most of the other card giving opportunities throughout the year are secular occasions seems to have skipped past the notice of the esteemed Ms. Hunter, but that is all right. We at Completely Different News have no problem pointing out every one of her flaws.
Indeed, theists should shut up and let people not worship gods if they desire not to. They really should shut up about their beliefs and stop trying to force them on people in defiance of the founding principles of this great nation. Wait, what? Oh, she was still talking about atheists here. Right, atheists should just shut up about how they are illegally persecuted for their stance on religion. What pathetic whiners, just like that nasal and stuttering jackass Martin Luther King Jr. Nobody wants to hear you complain about the status quo, things now are perfect in every conceivable way.
I totally agree. To hell with the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. Establishing compulsory prayer in publically funded schools is an excellent idea. Let's just strike down the whole First Amendment while we're at it. If nothing else, it would mean Ms. Hunter no longer has the right to pontificate about these matters, and will only be able to hold these opinions if the government says it is okay to. I am sure they would allow it though.
Further, I do wish there was some morality taught in schools. We certainly cannot count on parents to instill a basic sense of right and wrong in their children, so the tax payers should clearly fund it. Moreover, the bible is the perfect place to derive these morals from. For example, the Book of Joshua is a great example of perfect morality. Invading Jericho to murder every last man, woman, child, and animal within the walls of the city for the offense of believing in another god? Perfect thing to teach our young. There's simply too much religious tolerance these days, we need to start murdering people who believe things we do not and subsequently burning their homes to the ground. And who could forget the wonderful family values espoused by Jesus himself, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as his own life, he can't be my disciple." (Luke 14:26). I know I did not hate my father or mother, which probably explains why I am not a disciple of Christ myself, but really we should teach our children to do so.
Atheists are not hurting anyone? Pshaw! What about removing prayer from schools? We are no longer instilling proper morals into our children in school, because everybody knows all morality comes from the bible. Nevermind the similarity of moral codes among people of all religions during a given era, it's clearly the bible that gives all morality. I am mildly aghast to hear that Ms. Hunter has no problems with an atheist, but from her wording one can infer that she has problems with multiple atheists. I suppose in the singular atheists are nothing to fear, but in plural they are capable of holding discussions based on rational ideas, rather than ancient books and gut feelings. This is of course dangerous.
Nobody should impose upon your rights as a Christian either. If you want to want to have prayer in schools and say the pledge of allegiance or honor your God, go right ahead. Nobody will infringe upon your right to desire to do these things, not if Completely Different News has any say in it. Desire away good citizen, desire away.
Moving on, we now have the deeply disturbed Debbie Schlussel and her anti-Semitism.
Yes indeed, the 8-12% of non-religious people in this country are blatantly discriminating against the religious. It is all over the news constantly, Christians and Jews being forced out of neighborhoods because they believe in a magical man in the sky. It's really a horrible thing to behold.
Oh, absolutely. It is good that she knows her place as one of the bad people who believes in the wrong god too. Take note all you Christian readers, Debbie Schlussel is one of the infidels; start sharpening your swords. While her religion is so blatantly wrong that it shows a severe lack of intelligence, her assertion that the United States is a Christian nation is correct. Just look at these quotes from the framers of our Constitution, and one other notable president:
My what high praise of god and Christianity from some of the most influential people in the formation of this country. I am glad Debbie Schlussel could point out to all of us what the founding fathers were saying all along. I interrupted one of her sentences though to illustrate that point, let us return to her wisdom.
Now, nowhere in our legal system are we guaranteed freedom of religion in such terms. The First Amendment begins, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" so her wordplay fails utterly. However, never one to let silly things like facts come in the way of clever wordplay, I will allow the point and continue. Yes, it is true, we are not free from religion, as much as we might hope. It seems that there are actually three things in the universe that are inevitable: death, taxes, and religion. My what good company religion is in.
This is absolute truth. Atheists are really just Christian haters with a more intellectual sounding name. It is not that Christian fundamentalists are currently in power and attempting to codify their beliefs into law, it is that atheists are just intolerant bastards and do not like them. The fact that there is no real point in attacking Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, or Zoroastrianism since they hold little to no power over government policy is totally irrelevant to the atheist's attack.
Right, atheists are on the attack for attempting to remove anti-atheist messages from the pledge of allegiance, just like those black people are on the attack for trying to get the southern cross removed from former-confederate states. And really, to go to the Supreme Court for your child who has not yet been corrupted into a godless heathen. Children are born automatically believing in god without any outside impetus, how dare you interfere with their slow and incompletely developed minds by telling them not to believe. Please, shut up.
And Schlussel shows more of her blatant anti-Semitism again, but since this is a Christian nation and we are supposed to be intolerant of people who do not believe in the same things as we do, this is acceptable. She is right once again in pulling out her slippery slope fallacy that a decrease in authoritarian religiosity in the masses will lead to a rise in even more authoritarian religiosity in the masses. All atheists are simply anti-Christian counter culturists, vainly fighting the popular opinion simply to be different. Once more people are atheist, or they simply get bored of being so painfully smug and contrarion, they will probably return to the fold of god worshipers, but not to Christianity. Oh no, they would not be ready to return all the way, so why not Islam? Obviously, this is how Europe has fallen, nothing at all to do with their blatant nanny-statism and unfounded smugness. Christans strong, good; atheists weak, bad. It is all so clear now.
There is one final journalist guest here, primarily known for his sports commentary but on the side his is a noted... well no, he is simply a sports commentator. I fail to see how that could possibly be an issue in such a discussion though.
Yes, the idea that we should be able to practice free speech is nonexistent in America. Obviously, that is why this broadcast occurred in the first place. As for 'love thy neighbor,' the neighbor referred to in the bible were other Jews, the people Jesus was speaking to in the first place. Do not go applying your modern morals to first century writings; the text is far less tolerant than most people would have you believe, exactly as it should be. Tolerance of others just lets the Islamists win, after all.
I seem harsh about Zahn's question, but frankly Smith offends me far more. What is all of this about tolerating godless atheist devil worshipers in blue states? The lack of freedoms he espouses doesn't bother me in the slightest, of course. I think everyone here would agree that people are too free in general.
Yes, there is no question about the fact that we are a Christian nation. Just look at all of the endorsements of god and Christianity by our founding fathers that I.... oh I played that card already. If you need a reminder, scroll up a bit. I am mildly confused here though; we are not free to practice free speech, but everyone is entitled to believe whatever he wishes so long as he does not impose it on others? This is such inconsistently tolerant and progressive nonsense, and I will have nothing to do with it. Consistent tolerance I could understand, if not condone, but this? And if this is a Christian nation, in what sense should we even allow people to believe other things?
Well, it seems Mr. Smith is fairly intolerant of Jews here, by stating that he believes in the Lord, as does Karen. Clearly the god of Judaism is not the same as his god, despite being the same god if you understand either religion. Apparently he does not even know her, as everybody he knows is also a Christian. However, this means that we have two Christians and a Jew on their Panel on Atheism. It gladdens me to see that the minority being discussed is entirely unrepresented in the discussion, after all this is CNN not some "Fair and Balanced" news channel.
More painful tolerance from Mr. Smith here. Atheists have a right to free speech? They are allowed to campaign for people to stop intentionally offending them, or to base decisions and laws on rationality rather than dogma? Who gives them this right, a sports commentator?
What is that Mr. Smith? You think it is okay for atheists to go on the attack against the illegal government enforced religiosity? You think that because more offensive people refuse to shut up it is okay for atheists not to? Have you said anything new in this passage that you didn't previously say? I think not. And wait, now we are supposed to be tolerant of other viewpoints? I thought you said that was non-existent. I am not sure what he is talking about when he refers to plural atheists as a singular atheist, and the rights of said plural/singular atheist. Perhaps atheists, like the Holy Trinity, are multiple beings who are all one being. That is a somewhat frightening thought really, so I will treat it as I treat all ideas that frighten me; I am going to ignore it.
And yet again, the same schpiel of tolerance toward others who believe different things from the rest of us good Christians. Being inclusionary of others seems out of place if this is, in fact, a Christian nation, but he is allowed his own opinion. It is the opinion of the Completely Different News staff that everyone has the right to be blatantly and unequivocally wrong.
There is one point I must congratulate Mr. Smith for:
Bravo Mr. Smith, bravo. Do not be swayed by silly facts and statistical studies. Go with your gut instinct that says this cannot be. Clearly, you know more about the the feelings of the masses about atheists more than the masses themselves. Besides, if you were going to let things like rational thought and facts affect your opinions, you might be forced to conclude that god probably does not exist in the first place! That would make you one of them would it not? At least one thing he said didn't stink of horrid liberal bias, and for that I applaud Mr. Stephen A. Smith.
Clearly, this was a reasoned and fair assessment of the issues surrounding atheism in our country, as dictated by a three person jury of our non-peers. Unfortunately for the Christian nation, the weaklings at CNN ran a followup segment. They began with the same clip that this panel began with, then played selected excerpts from an interview with Richard Dawkins. I say selected excerpts because the interview was over twenty minutes long, while the aired version was under four. This is the best way to shut up those heathens; give them a speaker and then edit out most of what he said so you can make his point ineffective. This is proper journalism, even in the face of the pathetic capitulation that even lead to him being interviewed in the first place. Finally, a new panel was run with a minister, an atheist, and a liberal columnist. This panel was lacking in much of the fire and ignorant intolerance of the first, and is therefore unremarkable. Both panels are available on this strange new website called "YouTube". Perhaps you have heard of it, but it is new to me. Three years of exile, remember.
I have nothing more to say about this scourge on the face of America, and I do so hope that you remember to stay strong for Jesus. God Bless!
-CDNews Ed. Chris
I am equally sure that, as informed people, you have heard about this story already. As I was in exile, I could not direct my minions to work up a story on it. Moreover, once I was finally informed, I spent the better part of the last week vomitting profusely, so you'll apologize for my tardiness. It seems even CNN have addressed some of the concerns spawned by this debacle, though the extent to which they really accomplished anything is unclear. The piece was called "Atheists in America". It began with an unremarkable segment, following two families briefly to talk about the hardships they have faced when people learned of their religious beliefs. Remember, this is America; it is okay to persecute others for their religious beliefs as long as they do not happen to believe in a god. One of the two families in the piece even refused to be filmed with proper lighting. I suppose the godless heathens are vampires or something, it is unclear.
The initial segment ended with a professional Fred Savage impersonator explaining that atheists were bringing the mistreatment upon themselves. It seems that militant atheists, in their quest to remove religious influences from government funded programs like public schools and money are causing the hatred against all atheists. Please, ignore the fact that the Pledge of Allegiance and United States money were altered to reference god in a deliberate attack on atheists during a better, less tolerant era. As an entirely unrelated aside, the Completely Different News staff will be painting swastikas outside of Synagogues this weekend. I certainly hope no Jews come out and start complaining about it. I mean, sure the symbols are deliberately offensive to their race, but to complain about it is inexcusable, and they clearly deserve any of the hatred they incur as a result. Sorry for that entirely unrelated aside, where was I?
Right, the initial segment ended the camera panned dramatically over to Zahn and her three guest journalists. Journalist, in this sense, is being used as a euphemism for sycophant. Her guests were Karen Hunter, Debbie Schlussel, and Stephen A. Smith. Hunter and Smith are both black, and Schlussel is a Jew. This may seem gratuitous, even insulting information at this point, but rest assured there is a point. I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine the relevance. This is of course a lie; Completely Different News will not risk not getting its point across at any point, so the readers will be browbeaten as insurance. The guests were there for a polite, civilized discussion of atheism. For some reason the old joke, "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out", comes to mind.
I'll apologize right now for how I will handle their comments; the horrible shrieking and screaming over each other is not conducive to a point-by-point discussion, so I will be using an extracted form of the transcript that condenses the well thought out opinions of the commentators one at a time. Let's start at the top:
ZAHN: ... So do you think atheists should keep their religious beliefs secret? What's their beliefs period?
HUNTER: What does an atheist believe? Nothing. I think this is such a ridiculous story.
I'm not sure Ms. Hunter, I believe many things. I believe that we live in a stellar system with eight planets. I believe that when I release an unsupported object it will fall toward the ground, accelerating at 9.8 meters per second per second. I believe that natural selection explains the species that currently inhabit our Earth. I also believe the Ms. Hunter's Pulitzer has one too many L's in it, just like my Rolex.
HUNTER: Are we now going to take "In God We Trust" off of our dollars? Are we going to not say "one nation under God?"
I don't know about just our dollars. Possibly our five dollar bills too. Oh heck, why not all of them? Possibly our coinage too. I'm assuming she meant a more generic term for money than she used, but she may not be as accomplished a wordsmith as I. After all, she is merely a Pullitzer recipient. Or perhaps I've misjudged her award. According to Wikipedia, at least at the time of writing, Pulitzer Prize recipients are chosen by a wizard. People who complain about the credibility of Wikipedia are mostly just whiners, and can simply be ignored. Again, we will ignore the fact that "In God We Trust" and "under God" were added to their respective media as a deliberate attack, as the Completely Different News staff would not appreciate defending them.
HUNTER: When does it end? We took prayer out of schools. What more do they want?
Thank god someone has the wherewithal to finally stand up to this horrible liberal encroachment on the status quo. Where were the men and women of your caliber in the 1920s? "We aren't allowed to beat women with thumb-width rods anymore. What more do they want?" Or perhaps in the 1960s, oh my do I ever wish she could go back to talk with those bleeding heart pinko commie bastards. "We don't own you anymore. Hell, you have your own schools and water fountains now! You can even ride our busses, provided you give up front seats to white passengers. What more do you want?" We need more brave men and women who are willing to stand up for the status quo, that is clearly in this great country's best interest.
HUNTER: They don't have a good - marketing. If they had hallmark cards, maybe they wouldn't feel so left out. We have Christmas cards. We have Kwanza cards now. Maybe they need to get some atheist cards and get that whole ball rolling so more people can get involved with what they're doing.
Yes, this is actually a perfect soundbyte. Everything she says here is flawless, greeting cards celebrating atheism are the proper response to atheists being evicted from their housing by their landlords specifically because of their atheism. "Sorry you got kicked out of your house, but at least the God you don't believe in loves you!" Well, okay maybe not. The fact that Kwanza is a secular holiday, Christmas is largely a secular holiday, and most of the other card giving opportunities throughout the year are secular occasions seems to have skipped past the notice of the esteemed Ms. Hunter, but that is all right. We at Completely Different News have no problem pointing out every one of her flaws.
HUNTER: I think they need to shut up and let people do what they do. No, I think they need to shut up about it. I think they need to shut up about crying wolf all the time and saying that they're being imposed upon.
Indeed, theists should shut up and let people not worship gods if they desire not to. They really should shut up about their beliefs and stop trying to force them on people in defiance of the founding principles of this great nation. Wait, what? Oh, she was still talking about atheists here. Right, atheists should just shut up about how they are illegally persecuted for their stance on religion. What pathetic whiners, just like that nasal and stuttering jackass Martin Luther King Jr. Nobody wants to hear you complain about the status quo, things now are perfect in every conceivable way.
HUNTER: I personally think that they should never have taken prayer out of schools. I would rather there be some morality in schools. But they did that because an atheist went to court and said their child -- don't pray
I totally agree. To hell with the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. Establishing compulsory prayer in publically funded schools is an excellent idea. Let's just strike down the whole First Amendment while we're at it. If nothing else, it would mean Ms. Hunter no longer has the right to pontificate about these matters, and will only be able to hold these opinions if the government says it is okay to. I am sure they would allow it though.
Further, I do wish there was some morality taught in schools. We certainly cannot count on parents to instill a basic sense of right and wrong in their children, so the tax payers should clearly fund it. Moreover, the bible is the perfect place to derive these morals from. For example, the Book of Joshua is a great example of perfect morality. Invading Jericho to murder every last man, woman, child, and animal within the walls of the city for the offense of believing in another god? Perfect thing to teach our young. There's simply too much religious tolerance these days, we need to start murdering people who believe things we do not and subsequently burning their homes to the ground. And who could forget the wonderful family values espoused by Jesus himself, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as his own life, he can't be my disciple." (Luke 14:26). I know I did not hate my father or mother, which probably explains why I am not a disciple of Christ myself, but really we should teach our children to do so.
HUNTER: They're not hurting anyone. I personally don't have a problem with an atheist. Believe or don't believe what you want. Don't impose upon my right to want to have prayer in schools, to want to say the pledge of allegiance, to want to honor my God. Don't infringe upon that right.
Atheists are not hurting anyone? Pshaw! What about removing prayer from schools? We are no longer instilling proper morals into our children in school, because everybody knows all morality comes from the bible. Nevermind the similarity of moral codes among people of all religions during a given era, it's clearly the bible that gives all morality. I am mildly aghast to hear that Ms. Hunter has no problems with an atheist, but from her wording one can infer that she has problems with multiple atheists. I suppose in the singular atheists are nothing to fear, but in plural they are capable of holding discussions based on rational ideas, rather than ancient books and gut feelings. This is of course dangerous.
Nobody should impose upon your rights as a Christian either. If you want to want to have prayer in schools and say the pledge of allegiance or honor your God, go right ahead. Nobody will infringe upon your right to desire to do these things, not if Completely Different News has any say in it. Desire away good citizen, desire away.
Moving on, we now have the deeply disturbed Debbie Schlussel and her anti-Semitism.
ZAHN: Are any of you going to defend them here tonight?
SCHLUSSEL: No, I agree with her 100 percent. I think that the real discrimination is atheists against Americans who are religious.
Yes indeed, the 8-12% of non-religious people in this country are blatantly discriminating against the religious. It is all over the news constantly, Christians and Jews being forced out of neighborhoods because they believe in a magical man in the sky. It's really a horrible thing to behold.
SCHLUSSEL: Listen, we are a Christian nation. I'm not a Christian. I'm Jewish, but I recognize we're a Christian country...
Oh, absolutely. It is good that she knows her place as one of the bad people who believes in the wrong god too. Take note all you Christian readers, Debbie Schlussel is one of the infidels; start sharpening your swords. While her religion is so blatantly wrong that it shows a severe lack of intelligence, her assertion that the United States is a Christian nation is correct. Just look at these quotes from the framers of our Constitution, and one other notable president:
GEORGE WASHINGTON:
"The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion"
JOHN ADAMS:
"Twenty times in the course of my late reading, have I been upon the point of breaking out, 'This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!'"
"I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved -- the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!"
THOMAS JEFFERSON:
"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man"
"I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition [Christianity] one redeeming feature. They are all alike, founded upon fables and mythologies."
"The Christian priesthood, finding the doctrines of Christ leveled to every understanding and too plain to need explanation, saw, in the mysticisms of Plato, materials with which they might build up an artificial system which might, from its indistinctness, admit everlasting controversy, give employment for their order, and introduce it to profit, power, and pre-eminence. The doctrines which flowed from the lips of Jesus himself are within the comprehension of a child; but thousands of volumes have not yet explained the Platonisms engrafted on them: and for this obvious reason that nonsense can never be explained."
"No man on Earth has less taste or talent for criticism than myself, and the least and last of all should I undertake to criticize works on the Apocalypse (Revelations). It was between fifty and sixty years since I read it and then I considered it as merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy, nor capable of explanation than the incoherence of our own nightly dreams."
"The Christian god can be easily pictured as virtually the same as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of the people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites."
JAMES MADISON:
"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise."
"The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries."
"Strongly guarded as is the separation between Religion and Government in the Constitution of the United States, the danger of encroachment by Ecclesiastical Bodies, may be illustrated by precedents already furnished in their short history."
"And I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and government will both exist in greater purity, the less they are mixed together."
"What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; on many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate it, needs them not."
ABRAHAM LINCOLN:
"The Bible is not my book, and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma."
My what high praise of god and Christianity from some of the most influential people in the formation of this country. I am glad Debbie Schlussel could point out to all of us what the founding fathers were saying all along. I interrupted one of her sentences though to illustrate that point, let us return to her wisdom.
SCHLUSSEL: ...and freedom of religion doesn't mean freedom from religion.
Now, nowhere in our legal system are we guaranteed freedom of religion in such terms. The First Amendment begins, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" so her wordplay fails utterly. However, never one to let silly things like facts come in the way of clever wordplay, I will allow the point and continue. Yes, it is true, we are not free from religion, as much as we might hope. It seems that there are actually three things in the universe that are inevitable: death, taxes, and religion. My what good company religion is in.
SCHLUSSEL: And the problem is that, you have these atheists selectively I believe attacking Christianity. ...I really believe that they are the ones who are the intolerant ones against Christians.
This is absolute truth. Atheists are really just Christian haters with a more intellectual sounding name. It is not that Christian fundamentalists are currently in power and attempting to codify their beliefs into law, it is that atheists are just intolerant bastards and do not like them. The fact that there is no real point in attacking Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, or Zoroastrianism since they hold little to no power over government policy is totally irrelevant to the atheist's attack.
SCHLUSSEL: And what about this obnoxious Michael Newdow, who went all the way to the Supreme Court for his child, the child doesn't know what's going on, to try and get under God taken out of the pledge of allegiance. They are on the attack. It's obnoxious and they do need to shut up.
Right, atheists are on the attack for attempting to remove anti-atheist messages from the pledge of allegiance, just like those black people are on the attack for trying to get the southern cross removed from former-confederate states. And really, to go to the Supreme Court for your child who has not yet been corrupted into a godless heathen. Children are born automatically believing in god without any outside impetus, how dare you interfere with their slow and incompletely developed minds by telling them not to believe. Please, shut up.
SCHLUSSEL: Look where there are more atheists and where they've lost God, where the church is not that strong. Europe is becoming Islamist. It's fast falling and intolerance is increasing. That's the one reason our country has not become like Europe because we have strong Christians and because atheists are not strong. And I think that's a good thing.
And Schlussel shows more of her blatant anti-Semitism again, but since this is a Christian nation and we are supposed to be intolerant of people who do not believe in the same things as we do, this is acceptable. She is right once again in pulling out her slippery slope fallacy that a decrease in authoritarian religiosity in the masses will lead to a rise in even more authoritarian religiosity in the masses. All atheists are simply anti-Christian counter culturists, vainly fighting the popular opinion simply to be different. Once more people are atheist, or they simply get bored of being so painfully smug and contrarion, they will probably return to the fold of god worshipers, but not to Christianity. Oh no, they would not be ready to return all the way, so why not Islam? Obviously, this is how Europe has fallen, nothing at all to do with their blatant nanny-statism and unfounded smugness. Christans strong, good; atheists weak, bad. It is all so clear now.
There is one final journalist guest here, primarily known for his sports commentary but on the side his is a noted... well no, he is simply a sports commentator. I fail to see how that could possibly be an issue in such a discussion though.
ZAHN: What happened to love thy neighbor, the idea that we should be able to practice free speech?
SMITH: That's nonexistent. We all know that. We talk about that in America, but that's pretty much nonexistent, especially in the red states, particularly in the south. That's where the atheists are having the most trouble. When they talk about violent acts that have been enacted them or (INAUDIBLE) exacted against them or what have you. That's the kind of area they're talking about. I think in New York City, I don't think people care too much about it.
Yes, the idea that we should be able to practice free speech is nonexistent in America. Obviously, that is why this broadcast occurred in the first place. As for 'love thy neighbor,' the neighbor referred to in the bible were other Jews, the people Jesus was speaking to in the first place. Do not go applying your modern morals to first century writings; the text is far less tolerant than most people would have you believe, exactly as it should be. Tolerance of others just lets the Islamists win, after all.
I seem harsh about Zahn's question, but frankly Smith offends me far more. What is all of this about tolerating godless atheist devil worshipers in blue states? The lack of freedoms he espouses doesn't bother me in the slightest, of course. I think everyone here would agree that people are too free in general.
SMITH: We're a Christian country. There's no question about that. I love the Lord. So does Karen, so does everybody that I know. But the reality is that you're entitled to believe what you want as long as you're not imposing your beliefs on other people.
Yes, there is no question about the fact that we are a Christian nation. Just look at all of the endorsements of god and Christianity by our founding fathers that I.... oh I played that card already. If you need a reminder, scroll up a bit. I am mildly confused here though; we are not free to practice free speech, but everyone is entitled to believe whatever he wishes so long as he does not impose it on others? This is such inconsistently tolerant and progressive nonsense, and I will have nothing to do with it. Consistent tolerance I could understand, if not condone, but this? And if this is a Christian nation, in what sense should we even allow people to believe other things?
Well, it seems Mr. Smith is fairly intolerant of Jews here, by stating that he believes in the Lord, as does Karen. Clearly the god of Judaism is not the same as his god, despite being the same god if you understand either religion. Apparently he does not even know her, as everybody he knows is also a Christian. However, this means that we have two Christians and a Jew on their Panel on Atheism. It gladdens me to see that the minority being discussed is entirely unrepresented in the discussion, after all this is CNN not some "Fair and Balanced" news channel.
SMITH: I don't think they need to shut up. The reason why I don't think they need to shut up is because there's a whole bunch of people in this world that we can look at and say they need to shut up and they certainly don't. You got everybody fighting for their own individual cause. This is their cause. We might not like it. I don't agree with it at all, but they do have a right.
More painful tolerance from Mr. Smith here. Atheists have a right to free speech? They are allowed to campaign for people to stop intentionally offending them, or to base decisions and laws on rationality rather than dogma? Who gives them this right, a sports commentator?
SMITH: They are going on the attack, but the reality, again, is everybody has their own cause. The fact is there's a whole bunch of people in America who need to shut up and they don't. So why should these people be any less. We live in a nation. We're supposed to be tolerant. We're supposed to be accepting of other people's viewpoints, even when they are not our own and the fact is, if they're an atheist, that's their right. They're not going to change my belief in God
What is that Mr. Smith? You think it is okay for atheists to go on the attack against the illegal government enforced religiosity? You think that because more offensive people refuse to shut up it is okay for atheists not to? Have you said anything new in this passage that you didn't previously say? I think not. And wait, now we are supposed to be tolerant of other viewpoints? I thought you said that was non-existent. I am not sure what he is talking about when he refers to plural atheists as a singular atheist, and the rights of said plural/singular atheist. Perhaps atheists, like the Holy Trinity, are multiple beings who are all one being. That is a somewhat frightening thought really, so I will treat it as I treat all ideas that frighten me; I am going to ignore it.
SMITH: When they want to take - when they want to take God out of the pledge of allegiance or whatever, this is what I'm saying. They're saying, OK, that's Christian. What if you're a Muslim? What if you're someone of a different belief? ...what they're saying is how can -- if we're inclusionary, why can't we include all that and we're not. That's my point.
And yet again, the same schpiel of tolerance toward others who believe different things from the rest of us good Christians. Being inclusionary of others seems out of place if this is, in fact, a Christian nation, but he is allowed his own opinion. It is the opinion of the Completely Different News staff that everyone has the right to be blatantly and unequivocally wrong.
There is one point I must congratulate Mr. Smith for:
ZAHN: What I find so interesting is when you look at the statistics, that they were the most hated of all the minorities, gays (INAUDIBLE).
SMITH: I'm not even willing to believe that. That's news to me. I heard that, I read that, I just don't believe it.
Bravo Mr. Smith, bravo. Do not be swayed by silly facts and statistical studies. Go with your gut instinct that says this cannot be. Clearly, you know more about the the feelings of the masses about atheists more than the masses themselves. Besides, if you were going to let things like rational thought and facts affect your opinions, you might be forced to conclude that god probably does not exist in the first place! That would make you one of them would it not? At least one thing he said didn't stink of horrid liberal bias, and for that I applaud Mr. Stephen A. Smith.
Clearly, this was a reasoned and fair assessment of the issues surrounding atheism in our country, as dictated by a three person jury of our non-peers. Unfortunately for the Christian nation, the weaklings at CNN ran a followup segment. They began with the same clip that this panel began with, then played selected excerpts from an interview with Richard Dawkins. I say selected excerpts because the interview was over twenty minutes long, while the aired version was under four. This is the best way to shut up those heathens; give them a speaker and then edit out most of what he said so you can make his point ineffective. This is proper journalism, even in the face of the pathetic capitulation that even lead to him being interviewed in the first place. Finally, a new panel was run with a minister, an atheist, and a liberal columnist. This panel was lacking in much of the fire and ignorant intolerance of the first, and is therefore unremarkable. Both panels are available on this strange new website called "YouTube". Perhaps you have heard of it, but it is new to me. Three years of exile, remember.
I have nothing more to say about this scourge on the face of America, and I do so hope that you remember to stay strong for Jesus. God Bless!
-CDNews Ed. Chris
